Deviation Actions
Yeah, I guess I am, oh....A YEAR BEHIND ON THIS *DEVIANTART* BLOG THING!!! Oh well...BETTER LATE THEN NEVER, I SUPPOSE!!
So hopefully I am making up for lost time over here!! In the latter March of 2014! I lost a dear friend of mine! HE WAS MY CAT, BANDIT!! He was a very ferocious cat with feline diabetes! But at the same time...He could be VERY LOVABLE and even AFFECTIONATE and APPRECIATIVE!!
Well, I'd been looking after him since I adopted him from a bisexual lady that is not in touch with me anymore! Bandit was such a GREAT CAT!!
His bad health made him ferocious sometimes! He could claw, bite and hiss at your if he really wanted to! SOMETIMES, HE HAD A VICIOUS ONSLAUGHT TEMPER!! But he was connected to me because of his health problems!
I didn't even do many comic shows because I had to look after him with what little cash I had for vet visits! When he passed away in MARCH OF 2014!! It totally broke my heart and my soul when he passed on MARCH 25th of 2014!
I mean, I knew he lived his life every single day he could in the worst of circumstances!
When he passed away! I knew HE VANISHED!! [Till I heard a voice through the veil that sounded EXACTLY LIKE HIM one night!] A cat's soul into the ethereal planes that I can not always understand! He was so SMALL when he passed-away. He had lost a lot of weight and he was about 7 pounds when he passed away! Bandit was around 11 years old when he passed! I guess that is a really good lifespan, even if you do have a terrible disease aversion to sugar products!
MAYBE LIFE IS TRULY AN ABYSS!!! An abyss you sometimes just DON'T COME BACK FROM!!
2 days later on March 27th of 2014, after I had to take Bandit's body to get created by the vets! There was a cat for adoption....HIS NAME WAS JET!! A beautiful and healthy black cat! 15 POUNDS!! Just as lovable as Bandit ever was! Because Jet was basically a black cat on “death row”! He'd skipped around from place to place till his gentle “Cringer-Like He-Man Soul” found his way into my life!
I LOVE JET!! Even though I went to the process of him getting used to me...AND “I” WITH HIM!! Jet is a sweetheart!
I called Bandit KING DIAMOND KITTY!! [I still do before he VANISHED into that great unknown abyss that mortals and animals cannot reach!] But JET is also an amazing and remarkable cat! Jet is into KAIJU and GODZILLA films!! hence the name KAIJU KITTY or BLACK TIGER!! Jet is a BLACK CAT! But he has white spots on him, and a few that resemble THE ORION CONSTELLATION!!
One cat vanishes into the majestic abyss....The other cat comes to me from the ABYSS, because he needed a true WHITE TIGER-FATHER!!
Bandit will never be forgotten, AT LEAST IN MY MIND!! But Jet is living his life side-by-side with me now! He's just as supportive to me as Bandit ever was during the course of his days! FOR THIS, I AM SO BLESSED!!
**88**88**88**88**88**
**88**88**88**88**88**
**88**88**88**88**88**
THIS LIFE IS STILL A GREAT AND ETERNAL ABYSS!!!
Well, as of this writing. I had lost my “step-mom”! TRUE!! She was not my REAL MOTHER, by any stretches of the imaginative abysses of the further-beyonds!
Hell, sometimes I just didn't even get along with this lady at all!! Why!? For the simple fact THAT SHE WAS NOT MY REAL MOTHER!!!
My real mother KNEW who Stan Lee was! [As I did 2 comics shows with him as a headliner!] One of her “mother-goals” for me was to DO MY BEST IN SCHOOL and DO YOUR ART!! [And this was all I could do as a suffering outsider child, y'know!?]
But I guess I'd have to say that “SUE” had “STEP-MOM” more as a TITLE added to her namesakes, more then anything!! That's all it ever was to her!! A TITLE!!
I was the misinterpreted "STEP-SON" in this lady's life!
But the last think I got from this lady on my emails, as far as messages went! SHE SEEMS REALLY REALLY APOLOGETIC in the LAST MONTHS AND DAYS, LEADING UP TO HER PASSING!!!
She used to taunt me relentlessly for not having a mother! And not living a certain way! And not having a so-called “lifestyle” that never made any sense to even live through anyway!
I'd say on DECEMBER 18th of 2014 is when I got the ultimate/untimely news! It was kind of a shock! But I decided just to TRY TO LIVE OUT SOME OF MY DAYS HERE!!
I was told to go to her “funeral”! But see, this lady went to 3 to 5 churches!! SHE KNEW I WAS NOT A CHURCH-GOER!! I still ain't a church-goer! Needed to say....I was not given A LEGITIMATE ADDRESS...and the funeral was EARLY MORNING!! [Like 8:30 in the morning!! UGH!!] So with that...I COULD NOT GO TO HER FUNERAL ANYWAY!!
But that's what she did before the health problem crap took over her AND THEN SHE VANISHED INTO THIS GREAT-VAST UNKNOWN ABYSS!! She knew I was a PTSD survivor anyway and probably knew that if I went....IT'D MESS ME UP AND MY PTSD!! PTSD is not fun to even go through anyway! Been surviving this for AT LEAST 28+ years now!!
When my mother passed away back then....I got off of the bus. And found her dead on a floor at 14! AS A KID, THAT'S SO UNBEARABLE!! That being a “visual” person....that shit'll get stuck in your head for literally DECADES!!
I was forced to go to school the next day from an alcoholic father!! GOING TO SCHOOL JUST “DID NOT “ HELP ME!! Because I didn't even have time to really “grieve” till school got out!
Over that years....THAT scarred me so much!! I guess that'll lead to POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER if you are pushed over the edge! PTSD SUCKS!! No matter if you get it through war or domestic issues!
My mother died when I was 14!! “The Caretaker” died when I was 41!! [Which is a TRUE NUMERICAL OPPOSITE!!!]
It's like I say....LIFE IS AN ABYSS!! Sometimes you just don't come back from that abyss or that VEIL!!
Sometimes like “caretaker” does not get credit for certain things! BUT GAWSHDAMMIT!! She was just AN INCREDIBLE BOOKKEEPER!!
I don't know....I GRIEVED for her, I guess in my own small way! But I guess it was THE EXACT OPPOSITE of the way it was handled with MY REAL MOTHER!! With my “real” mother....it was HARDER TO TAKE IN!!
Yeah I remember it too well!! IT SUCKED SO MUCH!!
But when "Sue" passed away! It was the opposite! I DIDN'T GRIEVE NEARLY AS MUCH!! Yes, I had a connection with this lady, but it was a different thing altogether!! But some days....IT WAS A REALLY FUCKED-UP AND SOMETIMES “SILLY” CONNECTION!!
I didn't laugh at her being deceased! But it was those MEMORIES of her grounding me on a computer because I listened to DYING FETUS!! And then I stuck it on her computer, cause I found some MP3s of their great mu-sick! [Yes....REALLY!!]
And then she told my "therapist" about it, nagging to the guy profusely about it when she was still in the "living"! But my therapist though it was HILARIOUS!! Cause I like the albums like STOP AT NOTHING and DESTROY THE OPPOSITION!!
MY “DYING FETUS” MP3s somehow VANISHED INTO THE ABYSS OF THE COMPUTER TRASHCANS!!
But then years later....THIS THING CALLED “SPOTIFY” CAME ALONG AND CROPPED-UP INTO MY LIFE!! And then I could listen to all of the damned DYING FETUS that I ever wanted with no hassles from strict religious people that just never “got it” to begin with!! LOL!
Hell, all of the shit and the piss that I went through and endured in this lifetime!! EVEN FROM BEYOND THE ABYSS-GRAVES....I AM SURE SUE HAS SOME SORT OF “INSIDE JOKE” OR 20 SHE STILL GOT AMUSED WITH ME!!
It makes sense!! IT MAKES TOO MUCH SENSE TO ME, AT LEAST!!! But if she is an apparent soul somewhere into the voids! She's probably not going to a Dying Fetus concert in spirit anytime soon! Cause she liked that lame church-MUZAK anywho!
HEH!! [It's kind of a silly memory! AT LEAST TO ME, ANYWAY!!!]
**88**88**88**88**88**
**88**88**88**88**88**
**88**88**88**88**88**
LIFE IS STILL A FUCKING GOD-DAMNED FUTILE-MEANINGFUL ABYSS SOMETIMES!!!!
You are born into this world and someday....YOU DIE! You don't COME with a set of instructions or a manual on “HOW MICKMO IS AND HOW HE'D BE in the POSSIBLE FUTURE”!!!
You are just born somewhere OUT OF THE ABYSS, sometimes not understanding EVERY SINGLE PRINCIPAL OF LIFE!
Then you grow up....seeing shafts of people YOU NEVER SEE AGAIN!! You may know them for a day or a semester! Or seeing them at some gas station somewhere or even some place YOU TRULY DREAD!!
The high school bully, the socialite, the progressive, the antagonist, the brain-damaged, the Mensa IQ geniuses and the dummies! The hippies and the misfits! The celebrity that ignores you and the “lowly-class” overweight “common man” who tries to give a shit about you!
The “media puppets” and the “ones” who ON THE OUTSIDE WHO DO THE actual “CRITICAL THINKING” of things beyond the usual “news”!!
The FOLLOWERS and the LEADERS!!!
The “skeptics” and the “believers”! The apparent “blind” and the seekers of the “third eye”! The girlfriends and the boyfriends! The ones who unconditionally care through all of the shit and piss and the ones who make every single effort to “divorce” your existence!!
The “black” and the “white”! The grays and the reptilians! The humans and the animals that inhabit our grounds! The sick and the healthy! THE GREEDY AND THE GENEROUS!
The philosophers and the beggars! The ones who are RICH WITH MONEY, POWER AND FAME and the ones who ARE BROKE AND SOMETIMES HOMELESS/PENNILESS ON THE COLD STREETS!
The artistic prodigies and the mathematical prodigies! People you loved and people you despised!! The “outsiders” and the ones who “fit in a box”! The ones who DELETE and/or BLOCK YOU because they never get to take the time to ever know you....then the ones who ADD YOU INTO THEIR “SOCIAL NETWORKING” LIFE and MAKING YOU A FRIEND FOR AN ENTIRE LIFETIME!!
THE BEGINNINGS OF THINGS and THE ENDS OF THEM ALL!!
The ones who “get it” and the ones who “don't”!! The “shallow entities” and the truly “deep thinkers”!!! The things that make ABOSOLUTE SENSE..and the things that MAKE NO SENSE WHATSOEVER!!!
The “symptoms” and the “cure”!! The “dramas” and the “comedy”! The “fed” and the “starving”! The “novices” and the “experts”!
I don't know....THERE IS ALL SORTS OF TYPECASTS FOR THESE THINGS!!!
There are so many who VANISH INTO THAT ABYSS EVER SINGLE DAY [KNOWN and UNKNOWN]....and then some of them RETURN FROM THAT ABYSS FROM SOME VEIL SOMEWHERE!! This is just the way it is, y'know!? It's an INFLUX!! A back and forth of physics and metaphysics!
Some of us don't fit into any sort of categories or allegories whatsoever!! Some of us DON'T NEED THESE DAMNED TYPECASTS AT ALL, REALLY!! And you may be one of those people or entities! Including generous strangers that give you a quarter! You have no idea of a NAME or AGE!! THEY JUST GIVE YOU SOME MONEY OUT OF THE BLUE!! [You don't even know the HOW, WHEN or WHY!? THESE PEOPLE JUST DO IT OUT OF THE KINDNESS OUT OF THEIR HEARTS!]
You may see someone you know on the street somewhere or some public place...even online, really! And you may know them in context or definite reality SOMEHOW or SOMEWAY!! And sometimes, you just don't see these people for days....SOMETIMES 20 YEARS!!
SOMETIMES YOU NEVER SEE THESE ENTITIES OR INDIVIDUALS EVER AGAIN!!
Birth and death!! [The leaf on a tree that falls, evaporating into dust....never to bee seen again!]
The “in-between” times of life and the “technologies” of a computer!!
Perhaps this NETHER-VOID or GREAT ABYSS is just that!!
And the best and worst thing about this!! This ABYSS IS REAL!!
People really DO disappear and reappear in your life somehow!! Whether they loved or hated you...in the end....YOU ARE THE NEUTRAL SOURCE OF REASON!!!
The ABYSS is a genetic code!!
The days I thought about this concept leading up to my typing! ALL OF THIS IS TRUE!!
LIFE IS TRULY AN BEATUFUL-UGLY-MISUNDERSTOOD-GATHERED-SORTED ABYSS!!!
And you know something!? PERHAPS THIS IS FINE BY ME!!
[Because in ever nexus of time and space of the NETHER-VOIDS needs to be parallels!! FACT!!! > FACT!!!]
Because if life is still and abyss...then this is MY abyss!! From birth till death! AND EVERYTHING ELSE IN BETWEEN!! Because this abyss or this PORTAL in my life is about all I will ever know until it decides to revert itself! This is the life I walk and the death that comes later!
“EVERYTHING” AND “EVERYONE” IS A PARRELEL OF ITSELF....TIMES INFINITY....TIMES INFINITY....TIMES EVEN MORE INFINITY!!! Becoming a composite whole! And it's really it's the honest and concrete truth too! The movements in-between life and death!
Bends and fold of time and space...BECOMING ONE UPON A CONVERGENTS AND POINT!!!
Thanks for taking the time to read this thing!!! Means a lot to me if you took the time to read this entire thing!
"When you look into an ABYSS. The abyss looks into YOU." - Friedrich Nietzsche.
[Lots of true points in this blog! Anyway....I hope it got you to think about all things and everything!! This is the whole point of this entire BLOG!]
